Naruto's All in one Guide
by Papina
Summary: How to do the simplest things in complicated & stupid ways.
1. Making Friends Shut Up

**A/N: **This is a useless all-in-one guide. I won't update this " guide " as often as I update my fanfics but I will update it when I have nothing better to do. Anywho, have fun following instructions on how to make dots... Don't forget to review.

Oh yeah, Naruto is the " author" of the guide.( hence the title " Naruto's All-in-one Guide")

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**How To Make A Dot On A Piece of Paper**

1. Pick up a pen or any writing material of your choice & head for the nearest table.

2. Once there, get a piece of paper & lay it flat on the table.

3. Position your hand in a way that you can control your pen.

4. Slowly make the pen's tip touch the paper & press it.

Congratulations! You just learned how to make a dot! I'm so proud of you readers!!!! cries dramatically

**Comments:**

Kiba: It's that easy????

Sasuke: WTF? What do we need to learn that for?

Neji: OMG! I did it! Go me...go me... it's my birthday.

Kakashi: Happy Birthday.

Tobi: Waaaah! I can't do step 4!

**Naruto's comments:** Fine, if you didn't find that important & useful, I'll just make another one.

**Ways on How To Ma****ke Your Friend Shut Up**

1. _**Sing an annoying song.**_

Ex. Deidara: Kisame, you blah blah blah blah.

Kisame: _I like shorts, do you like shorts? Shorts like Kisa cause Kisa likes shorts..._

Deidara: Stop it Kisame! My ears are bleeding! AAAAH!

2. **If you're that desperate, burn him/her.** ( **Warning:** May cause injury to the public)

Ex. Fangirl: OMG! Itachi, I just loooooooooooove the way you blah blah...

Itachi: burns her with a jutsu

Fangirl: Ah!! I still love you (falls into a flaming pit of doom!)

3. **Contact aliens & make them abduct your friend.**

Ex. Sakura: Kiba? Are you an alien?

Kiba: I dunno.

Sakura: Can you abduct Naruto?

Kiba: Ok.

4. **Find a way to cover his/her mouth.** ( If you're in a relationship then kiss that person)

Ex. Temari: Shika, you're lazy & blah blah blah...

Shikamaru: kisses Temari

SFX: Awwww...

Temari: Shuts up

5. **If none of the above work, then just tell your friend to shut up.**

Ex. Deidara: Sasori Danna! Blah blah blah...

Sasori: Deidara...

Deidara: Yes, un?

Sasori: Shut up.

Congratulations! You just made your friend shut up!!! Now is THAT helpful???

**Complaints:**

Naruto: Sakura!!!! How could you let me be abducted??????

Sakura: Whaddaya mean how could you???? & why are you complaining when this is YOUR all in one guide???

Fangirl: I need a doctor. I'm sizzling. But still, OMG! I GOT BURNED BY ITACHI!!!!!

Deidara: My ears are bleeding ( yeah, right) & I THINK SASORI DANNA HATES MEEE! WAAAH!

Kiba: I'm an alien?

**Good Stuff:**

Temari: Make Shika kiss me again!!!!! XD

Itachi: Hn. ( **Translation:** I had fun burning fangirls. Mwahahahaha )

Kisame: I like shorts! XD

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Was it funny? Huh? Huh? hits self for being annoying 

Just review.


	2. Dealing With Fangirls

**A/N: **I was thinking of crazy fangirls chasing Itachi then poof! This idea came out...

**Like I said: **I do not own Naruto

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**How to Deal With Fangirls**

**Situations:**

1. **You are being chased by your screaming fangirls.**

_**Itachi's way:**_

Fangirls: Kyaaaaaa!

Itachi: - uses Sharingan to annihilate them-

Fangirls: ( while being tortured) OMG! He's torturing us! He's really torturing us! Kyaaaaa!

_**Gaara's way:**_

Fangirls: Kyaaaaa!

Gaara: - ignores-

Fangirls: - being vaporized by ignorance-

2. **Fangirls are about to beat you up for insulting the person they are fans of.**

_**Kisame's way:**_

Fangirls: Grrr...

Kisame: ITACHI HELP MEEEEE!

Itachi: Hn.

Fangirls: OMG! It's Itachi! - then later chases him-

Itachi: - reads Naruto's guide about dealing with fangirls -

_**Kankurou's way:**_

Fangirls: Grr...

Kankurou: Look! It's Gaara!

Fangirls: Where?

Kankurou: - captures fangirls using his puppets the poisons them-

3. **They steal your things.**

_**Neji's way:**_

Neji: - picks up phone & dials his lawyer's number- Hello? I need you to prosecute some fangirls in the court of law for stealing my things.

Fangirls: Kyaaa! We're being prosecuted by Neji!!!!!!

_**Sasuke's way:**_

Sasuke: Give me back my things & I might marry you.

Fangirls: Kyaaaa! - they return things-

Sasuke: - picks up things-

Fangirls: I thought you were gonna marry us?

Sasuke: I lied.

4. **You receive tons of fanmail.**

_**Deidara's way:**_

Deidara: Art is fun! - uses fanmail for origami-

_**Shikamaru's way:**_

Shikamaru: How troublesome. - does nothing afterwards-

_**Naruto's way:**_

Naruto: Wheee! - swims in fanmail-

5. **They blackmail you.**

_**Kakashi's way:**_

Kakashi: - blackmails them back-

_**Itachi's way:**_

Itachi: - kills them so there'll be no one who'll blackmail him-

_**Zetsu's way:**_

Err... you already know what he'll do to them.

**Naruto's message:** After having read the ways on how to deal with fangirls, I'm sure you wouldn't want to be fangirls anymore now, would you?

Fangirls: NO WAY! They're so cute when they're dealing with us! Kyaaaaa!

**Naruto's note to self:** Fangirls are scary.


End file.
